At some point, we’ve all likely experienced the seductive highs of a whirlwind romance – and the crashing comedown when that obsessive affection dies off, or disappears altogether. Most of the time, after a period of reflection and emotional sobriety, we can see this experience for what it was: brief, intoxicating, and traumatic. We tell ourselves and our friends that we are, quite rightly, better off without them – but that doesn’t stop us from wondering about what could have been.
Released this Friday, London-based multihyphenate Graecyn has perfectly encapsulated this nostalgic longing on their latest single ‘Autumn’. The song hears Graecyn reflect on a short-lived love affair, recounting its hopeful beginning, abrupt ending, and the endless unanswered questions it left behind. “The song is me contemplating what happened – I was very in love, and it was very wonderful, but when they left the country, I found out they weren’t so wonderful,” they share. “The song is me a year later, still wondering which version was real – is it the bad that I realised you were once you weren’t in my life? Or, was it the good that you were for the whole time you were in my life?”
The single’s accompanying music video was directed by Aidan Robert Brooks, who first met the musician through Instagram after sharing an open call about having a spare roll of 16mm film and “wanting to use it for something great.” A mutual friend put the pair in touch, and on a long phone call, they bonded over having previously experienced similar breakups.
“I went away and essentially turned that conversation into a concept,” says Brooks. “I was really moved by the song, and as soon as we connected we realised we had a lot of the same references. Graecyn wanted the film to be character-driven and a narrative piece, but otherwise gave me a lot of freedom to tell this story, which is always super exciting on a project.”
“Because I feel like I’ve lived with this song for such a long time, there was something so revitalizing for me about this music video, and even watching the final edits a few days ago, I suddenly felt so emotional listening to it in a way that I haven’t in a really long time,” Graecyn gushes about their collaboration with Brooks. “I think the music video has so beautifully shown the story I wanted to capture – of this love that feels really filmic, but dies as quickly as it sparked in the first place.”
With teases of an EP release next year, below, Graecyn shares how love bombing, Fiona Apple, and a spare roll of 16mm film inspired their latest single and music video.
A fleeting romance & stripped-back pianos
Graecyn wrote the song over the Christmas period in 2021, giving themselves time to reflect on their heartbreak of the year prior. “It was one of those love bombing relationships that are so cinematic because we were both thinking we were in a movie about love, as opposed to actually living what being in a relationship actually is.”
During this time, the musician was listening to Clairo’s Sling along with Charlie Brown’s Christmas album and was inspired by the stripped-back piano melodies both records share.
“I wrote this song on the piano and it’s exactly the same today as it was when I first wrote it,” they say. “I wanted it to feel like there was loads of space – I feel like the image that comes up is a forest or a graveyard where there’s loads of mist on the ground, and it’s really still, and the mist is floating through the ground, and it’s just really empty. That was my image for this song, contemplating over something that was so fruitful and so big and so verdant and colourful, and now all that’s left is this empty liminal space that I’m standing in alone with the memory, with the ghost of this relationship.”
Recording in RAK Studios at St John’s Wood, Graecyn recounts sitting on a staircase next to the piano, hunched over the microphone, and recorded very few vocal takes. Having considered adding heavy production, the artist was inspired by their favourite vocalist, Fiona Apple, to take a more raw approach. “She has this really naked vocal that isn’t auto-tuned and isn’t perfect, and is angry and growly sometimes, and is flat sometimes, but it’s the most amazingly acted song. She’s a storyteller with an amazing voice, and I wanted this song to be telling a story that felt real as opposed to something that sounds perfect.”
Autumn
Graecyn is adamant that Autumn is their favourite season – despite their birthday being on 3rd December, they “identify as someone who was born in Autumn.”
“I don’t know if it’s something about school starting back or it’s the leaves falling off the trees that feels like nostalgia and grief and reminiscing and looking back,” they explain. “It’s still my favourite season because I think that sadness and grief and nostalgia are really important parts of life, and parts of life that I want to experience just as much as any other.”
It was also the same season that Graecyn experienced their whirlwind romance, making it a natural choice for the song’s title. “I think there’s something very interesting about the song as a reflection on a relationship – it’s grief, and it’s also nostalgia, and it’s romanticizing, and it’s also really starkly seeing the truth of what it was. I think there’s something Autumnal about those feelings, too.”
I think there’s something very interesting about the song as a reflection on a relationship – it’s grief, and it’s also nostalgia, and it’s romanticizing, and it’s also really starkly seeing the truth of what it was. I think there’s something Autumnal about those feelings, too.
Their musical family & jazz
Graecyn’s musical education began at birth as both their parents are avid musicians. “They both did arranging and vocal coaching so I grew up with musicians in my house the whole time, like every single day,” they share. “It was such a privilege to have that experience because I feel like music was in everything, and it really taught me the way to communicate through music.”
They explain that singing at home developed into session singing at 15 and singing in jazz clubs at 17, opening the door to a wide new array of influences and unlocking their love for the genre. “Not just musically, just my favourite thing ever is jazz,” they reveal.
“It was such a privilege to have that experience because singing jazz is so intuitive – especially in a jazz club because you have to sense when to stop, when the bass is going to have a solo, when the piano is going to have a solo, where to go with the melody. I’m listening to Chet Baker right now, and I’m just imagining him nodding to the bass, and the bass player nodding to the piano, and it makes me smile.”
Powerful queer storytelling
It was important to Graecyn to represent their authentic experiences in the ‘Autumn’ visuals, casting actor Sukey Willis to play their partner in the film. “I think that – and don’t get me wrong, this is a story about love and loss outside of queerness – but it is a queer story. However, I think it’s amazing when people are making queer stories that are really overtly queer stories. I think that Chappell Roan does that so perfectly and so beautifully. I’ve been deeply moved by some of her songs, especially ‘Casual’.”
While queer artists have long been creating highly-influential music, in recent years there has been a significant rise in the number of openly-queer artists dominating international charts and breaking global touring records. Graecyn explains, “I think that’s actually what I love about queer stories – you can have an artist like Chappell who is really known as a queer artist, and people who aren’t queer can listen to ‘Casual’ and think “this song is about me and that guy” or “me and that girl” or “me and that person”. But if you’re queer, there’s another dimension of understanding that you’re getting from the song – there’s this queer longing and this intensity that happens within a queer relationship.”
For the film, Graecyn and Brooks took inspiration from a range of references. “The opening shot of the video is actually inspired by an old porno I found,” says Brooks. “It had a looming shadow over a very naked man in a hotel room. It was erotic but there was a sadness to it, and it stuck with me. Overall, the film is an ode to Paris Texas, and I was thinking about what the queer version of that looks like.”
“For me, the person ‘Autumn’ is about was the first trans person I had ever dated, and as a trans person, that was mind-blowing,” Graecyn shares. “I think that added a dimension to the intensity and also to the loss, because I was in my 20s going through something unique and new for myself in a relationship.”
They continue: “I feel like that’s something that you’re expected to go through when you’re a teenager, but when you’re queer, sometimes you’ll still be going through those things in your 20s, and for some people, for the rest of their lives. I think that all adds to the intimacy and intensity, so if you’re queer, you get it, and if you’re not, you can still get it on your level and it doesn’t take away from that, which is what I love about these stories.”
Music makes me feel like I can harness a lot of creative outlets at the same time – I can be a musician, and I can also be a composer, and I can also produce, and then I can just randomly be an artist, and a graphic designer, and a creative director and a choreographer. You can do anything you want to with music because it’s so self-directed, and there’s a real freedom and joy I’m finding in that.
Finding freedom in self-direction
Releasing the record independently meant Graecyn wore many hats throughout the production process – including handmaking the single’s artwork, which was shot, scanned, printed out, collaged, scanned again and edited by them. But this isn’t the first time Graecyn has added a new string to their creative bow – since childhood, the artist has been balancing their love for music with their love for drama.
“I love acting more than anything in the world,” – they pause – “I love acting the same amount as I love music. I love acting, but when you’re acting, you’re telling someone else’s story, using someone else’s words directed by somebody else, and then edited and composed by somebody else.”
They add: “Music makes me feel like I can harness a lot of creative outlets at the same time – I can be a musician, and I can also be a composer, and I can also produce, and then I can just randomly be an artist, and a graphic designer, and a creative director and a choreographer. You can do anything you want to with music because it’s so self-directed, and there’s a real freedom and joy I’m finding in that.”
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